Blog About Health & Medicine

A woman who is infected with herpes before pregnancy has antibodies in her bloodstream, which are the body’s immune response to infection and offer protection against new herpes infection. These antibodies (and the immunity they convey) are transmitted to the fetus in the womb, so there is a low risk of the fetus becoming infected in the womb if the mother had herpes before she became pregnant. The greatest risk of infection in this situation occurs during delivery, when the newborn may be exposed to a large quantity of virus, especially if the woman is experiencing an outbreak. If a woman with herpes is having an outbreak at the time of delivery, then a cesarean section is recommended to prevent the passage of the baby through the infected birth canal. (Rarely, babies born by cesarean section are nevertheless infected with HSy probably because they were infected in the womb or during premature rupture of the membranes.) If the mother is not having an outbreak, there is a very small chance (0.35-1.4%) that she will be shedding virus through the birth canal at delivery; if she is shedding, there is a small chance (probably less than 1%) that the child will become infected. So, for women who have herpes and who give birth vaginally the overall risk is less than 1 percent that the baby will become infected.

The decision whether or not to perform a cesarean section is an individual one, and it must be discussed with one’s health care provider. Cesarean sections are not routinely performed on all pregnant women with herpes, since this procedure is not in itself without risk, and the risk of transmission to the baby when there is not an outbreak is very low. A woman who knows she has herpes can prepare for this decision well in advance.

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For both men and women, antifungal medications provide dependable treatment for yeast infections. Men usually have success with over-the-counter creams applied to the affected area twice a day for two weeks. Treatment with antifungal medication is recommended only for a woman with symptoms, and then only for a woman who has been diagnosed with yeast infection in the past and is certain that yeast is again the cause of her symptoms. For women, there is no reason to treat yeast colonization if it is not causing symptoms.

Many antifungal creams are available without a prescription, and most of them are well tolerated, except for the rare allergic reaction. Since all over-the-counter creams are equally effective (they cure infection 80-90 percent of the time), using the least expensive cream seems to make sense. Butoconazole, clotrimazole, miconazole, and tioconazole are some of the most frequently used medications; they are applied at night, some as a single dose, some for three days, and some for a week.

Women can use either creams, which are inserted into the vagina with an applicator packaged with the cream, or vaginal suppositories, which are pills that are inserted into the vagina. When using a cream, for best results the medication should be rubbed on the vulva (the outside of the genitals) as well as inserted into the vagina. For women with a history of difficult, recurrent yeast infections, the longer, seven-day course is a better option from the start. Some women experience irritation from the frequent use of the treatments themselves, and in this case an alternative treatment (see the next paragraph) should be used. Because the creams are oil based, they may weaken latex condoms and diaphragms.

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Having said that, it’s important to repeat that every STD is different and can be transmitted in different ways.

This is important for couples who know that one of them has an STD, or who suspect that an STD may have been transmitted from one of them to the other. It will help explain how they can protect themselves or how transmission may have taken place.

Finally, unprotected sex is not unsafe for a couple who are mutually faithful, have tested negative for all of the STDs, and are beyond any waiting periods that are necessary for a positive test for infection to show up, as long as neither of them has other risk factors for infection (such as a recent exposure to infected material by a health care worker, or intravenous drug use).

Before turning to the more general guidelines, I list the practices that we know are absolutely unsafe if you are having sex with a partner whose status for infections you don’t know:

— Receiving vaginal sex without a condom

— Giving vaginal sex without a condom

— Giving oral sex without a condom or barrier

— Receiving oral sex without a condom or barrier

— Receiving anal intercourse without a condom

— Giving anal intercourse without a condom

— Oral-anal contact (rimming) without a barrier

— Contact with your partner’s blood

The following practices are possibly unsafe and should be avoided with a partner whose status for infections you don’t know:

— Hand contact with your partner’s genital or anal area without a glove

— Sharing sex toys without cleaning them or using a new condom on the toy

In the following list of possibly safe, or safer, practices, the first five are unsafe if the condom or barrier breaks. Even with the condom intact, some STDs, such as herpes, may be transmitted. In the first three examples, condoms or barriers must be used for the entire contact, since pre-ejaculate (the small amount of fluid released prior to ejaculation) can transmit infection. Wet kissing is possibly safe if neither person has bleeding gums or other open sores in the mouth.

—Anal intercourse (giving or receiving) with a condom —Vaginal intercourse (giving or receiving) with a condom

— Oral sex with a condom or barrier

— Oral-anal contact with a barrier

— Sharing sex toys with a barrier —Wet (French) kissing

Finally, practices that we know are safe are the following:

— Masturbation in each other’s presence (touching your genitals, nor your partner’s)

— Sensual massage

— Dry kissing

— Hugging

— Fantasizing together

— Rubbing clothed bodies together (without genital to genital contact)

— Bathing together (without contact with a potentially infected area of a partner)

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One reason so many cases of prostate cancer are not caught early is obvious: Too many men don’t get regular physicals that include a digital rectal examination (DRE), the first step in diagnosis, when a doctor feels for a knot, lump, or anything abnormal that might be a tumor. (In men with cancer, the doctor uses the rectal exam to learn as much as possible about the cancer—does it encompass part of one lobe, one entire lobe, or both lobes of the prostate? Has the cancer spread outside the prostate, into the pelvic side wall or the seminal vesicles?)

But even for those who do get checked yearly, the digital rectal exam is not an ironclad guarantee that cancer will be found in time. As many as 40 percent of all prostate cancers begin their growth in an inopportune spot, at a point where a doctor’s finger simply can’t reach. Therefore, many patients have advanced disease by the time it is diagnosed with a digital rectal exam. Also, the digital rectal exam is only as good as the doctor performing it; it is a subjective test.

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A

Aid, sex aid or gadget: general term for any object used to stimulate the sex organs, eg. dildo, vibrator, inflatable doll.

Ampallang: penis ring made of fur, feathers or plant matter that some tribal peoples fit around the base of the glans for enhanced stimulation of the vagina.

Andropause: the male menopause.

Anilictus: stimulation of the anus with the tongue.

Anal intercourse: the sex act carried out with the penis in the anus.

Areola: the circular, pigmented area around the nipple.

B

Balls: testicles.

Bestiality: copulation with an animal.

Bisexual: person attracted to both sexes.

Blow job: fellatio.

Bondage: sado-masochistic games in which a partner is tied up, tied to a bed or chair, etc.

Buttocks: one of the most attractive parts of the body owing to their form, their consistency and the way they move. There is a form of fetishism focused on the buttocks.

Button: affectionate term for the tip of the clitoris.

C

Cannibalism: in some animal species such as the praying mantis the female eats the male as they copulate.

Cantharis: a beetle known for its aphrodisiac properties since the highest antiquity.

Castration: removal of the testicles.

Cervix: the neck of the womb or uterus.

Circumcision: removal of the foreskin. A ritual practice for Jews and some Moslems.

Climax: orgasm.

Clitoral hood: fold of skin covering the clitoris the same way the foreskin covers the penis head.

Clitoris: small erectile organ above the vulva slit of a woman. Prolonged stimulation produces an orgasm; stimulation of the clitoris may be a necessary preliminary to a vaginal orgasm.

Come: (1) verb: to have an orgasm

(2) noun: semen.

Coition: copulation

Conception: fertilization of the egg (ovum) by the sperm, within the woman’s body.

Contraception: method enabling vaginal intercourse to take place without risk of conception.

Coprophilia: a perversion involving a liking for faeces and urine.

Cunnilingus: stimulation of a woman’s genital organs with the lips and tongue.

Copulation: vaginal intercourse.

D

Detumescence: return of the penis to its normal stale after ejaculation.

Dildo: an artificial phallus

Droop: inability to get an erection. Brewer’s droop: droop caused by excessive intake of alcohol.

E

Ejaculation: emission of semen at the moment of male orgasm.

Endometrium: mucus membrane lining the womb.

Eonism: transvestism.

Erection: the action of standing upright, the state of standing upright. The penis is the only erectile organ in the body, though the clitoris is sometimes mistakenly said to be erectile; in fact it increases in volume but does not stand up.

Erogenous: applies to parts of the body which give sexual pleasure when stimulated.

Eroticism: everything the intelligence can suggest to augment and diversify sexual desire and pleasure. Eunuch: castrated man.

Excision of the clitoris: ritual surgical operation still in use in some African countries.

Exhibitionism: typically male sexual deviation. The exhibitionist enjoys showing his sex organs. Practised within the couple, this is a perfectly natural erotic fantasy.

Fantasy: a more or less obsessional mental picture

focused on a specific sexual act or scenario.

Fellate (verb): give a man fellatio.

Fellatio: stimulation of the penis with the lips and

tongue.

Fetishism: A commonplace type of sexual deviation in which only one specific part of the body or item of clothing awakens sexual desire. Flag (short for flagellation): sado-masochism. Foreplay: manual or oral caressing of the erogenous zones and/or genital area in preparation for sexual intercourse proper.

Foreskin: the skin covering the head or glans of the penis.

Frenum: the skin just under the glans, which limits the

retraction of the foreskin.

Fuck:    (1) noun: sexual intercourse

(2) verb: to have sexual intercourse.

G

G-spot: erogenous zone on the front inside wall of the vagina. Stimulation produces an orgasm accompanied by a discharge of liquid similar to semen.

Gadget: see aid.

Gamete: reproductive cell. Sperm in the man, ovum in the female.

Gay: a non-pejorative term meaning homosexual.

Genitals, genitalia: sex organs.

Glans: the enlarged head of the penis.

Groin: the fold between the genital area and the upper thigh.

H

Heterosexual: person attracted to the opposite sex.

Homosexual: person attracted to others of their own sex.

Hymen: membrane partly closing the entrance to the vagina in girls. The hymen is torn at first intercourse, causing slight bleeding.

Hypermastia: hypertrophy or over-development of the breasts. Has a fetishistic attraction for some men.

I

Incest: sexual relations between parent and child or brother and sister.

Infibulation: closing of the vagina after removal of the inner labia and clitoris. This ritual mutilation is still in use among some African tribal peoples.

L

Labia: the sex lips: small flaps of skin on either side of the vaginal entrance (inner labia) and the larger flaps (outer labia) on either side of these.

Lesbian: homosexual woman.

M

Masochism: Sexual perversion named after Austrian writer Sacher Masoch. The masochist needs to suffer to feel pleasure from a sex act. Often accompanied by a need to show submission.

Masturbation: manual stimulation of the genital organs. Used to be called “self-abuse”!

Mate-swapping: exchange of partners between two couples. In the bad old days it used to be called wife-swapping.

Menopause: the period during which a woman’s ovaries gradually cease their activity. Often brings sexual and psychological problems.

N

Narcissism: love of self. This is a typically female feature, which sometimes develops into exhibitionism.

Nymphomania: a state of permanently unsatisfied sexual desire in a woman.

O

Onanism: This term has lost its original meaning and has come to mean masturbation.

Oral sex: term embracing fellatio and cunnilingus. Stimulation of the genital organs with the lips and tongue. Other common expressions: blow job, to go down on someone, to give head, to suck.

Orgasm: violent, intense, uncontrollable sexual pleasure occurring after stimulation of the genital organs.

Orgy: a gathering of men and women practising a variety of sexual acts together or in pairs or groups.

Ovum: the human egg.

P

-    Paedophile: person sexually attracted to young children.

Pederasty: sexual intercourse between a man and a juvenile boy.

Penis: erectile sexual organ of the male.

Perineum: the area between anus and scrotum in men or anus and vulva in women.

Petting: manual or oral caressing of the erogenous zones.

Phallus: penis. Male sexual organ.

Plateau: the phase of excitement that precedes orgasm.

Prepuce: foreskin.

Priapism: painful spontaneous erection dues to a cause other than sexual excitement.

Pubis: the bone of the groin, underlying the front genital area.

-    Pussy: affectionate name for the vulva. Also slit, crack. S

Sadism: perversion in which the suffering of the object of desire is a necessary precondition for orgasm.

Scatology: fetishistic liking for or fascination with excrement.

Scrotum: skin around testicles.

Semen: fluid, containing sperm cells, which is expelled from the penis on ejaculation.

Shaft: the main body of the penis, as opposed to the glans or head.

Simultaneous orgasm: orgasm attained by both partners in the same instant.

Sixty-nine: simultaneous cunnilingus and fellatio, the partners head to tail with their heads between each other’s legs.

Sodomy: anal intercourse.

Sperm, spermatozoa: reproductive cells produced in the body of the male.

T

-    Testicles: male sex glands. Also called balls.

Transsexual: man or woman who feels they are in the wrong sex. By extension, a person who has undergone a “sex change” operation to give them a substitute for the sexual organs of the opposite sex.

Transvestite: a man with a sexual taste for dressing up as a woman.

Threesome: see “Troilism”.

Troilism: sex between two men and a woman or two women and a man.

V

Vagina: part of a woman’s sexual apparatus; the duct leading from the vulva to the neck of the womb.

Vulva: the external parts of a woman’s sexual apparatus; the opening to the vagina.

W

-    Wife-swapping: outdated term for the exchange of partners between two couples. Mate-swapping.

Z

-    Zoorasty, zoophilia: a taste for sexual intercourse with an animal.

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All definitions of pornography are based on the idea of a “written description, or representation in drawing, film or photography, of obscene acts.”

The problem with this definition is the notion of obscenity. It contains all the taboos that still surround sexuality – the notion that certain parts of our bodies are dirty, that it is unhealthy to show or touch our genital parts.

When a sexually enlightened couple indulge together in all the range of frolics their imagination and personal tastes suggest, they do not feel they are committing obscene acts. When they watch themselves in the process, they do not feel they are watching an obscene spectacle.

But suppose they write a love story – the story of their own love – and describe their love play in detail. Suppose a film is made of the book. The film and the book would be called pornographic.

The key feature of all “honest” romance novels and films is their hypocrisy. They describe or show the love, the passion, the tenderness of the characters. But as soon as the couple go into the bedroom, there is a total black-out. One never knows if they do anything, or what they do, or least of all how they do it. It is all as if the lovers never made love. And the most amazing thing is that the audience does not even notice there is anything missing – as if lovemaking were really no more than a tiny, unimportant detail in the couple’s life.

The writers of erotic novels and films have understood this hypocrisy very well. But they also know that if they go too far, their book may be banned or their film given an “X” certificate. So they go just as far as they can without being censored, and no further. In these films and books, we know the characters do something; we do not see what they do, but we can guess – and of course we will never know how they did it.

One example will illustrate this. A man and a woman in a standing position, are kissing passionately (this is a romantic scene no one will criticize). The camera draws nearer and we see them in close up. The lady lets herself slide down the man’s body – out of sight of the camera.

One’s imagination steps in to suggest she is now on her knees. The expression on the man’s face leaves us in no doubt what the lady is up to down there.

This scene is not regarded as pornographic. It would only be so if the camera also slid down to show the caresses lips and tongue can lavish on a stiffening penis.

This example shows very well that the difference between a love film, an erotic film and a pornographic film is a difference of the degree to which hypocrisy has been rejected.

One should not take this to mean that under-the-counter novels and the X-rated films shown in specialist porn cinemas are full of intellectual nourishment for people interested in sex. The mediocrity of dialogue and plot, the pointless vulgarities in text and image and the cut-rate technical production are all to be deplored. If one must draw a distinction between eroticism and pornography, it is just that: a simple question of quality. Eroticism can describe or show any sexual act: but it must do so with skill and art!

If a writer or film director succeeds in this, and has the courage to say and show what he wants without hypocrisy, his work ought not to be considered pornographic; indeed its educational value should be recognized. To those who lack imagination it will give new ideas, to those lacking sex education it will show new tricks, and to those who lack the perfectionist spirit it will show ways of giving greater pleasure to their partner.

The other drawback with pornographic films is that women feel very uneasy in the specialist cinemas where they are shown, with the result that men go to see them on their own.

This is a pity, because it would be useful for the couple to compare impressions after the film, telling each other their likes and dislikes. It is a way of getting to know each other better so as to give each other greater satisfaction.

Some of the new European television channels show X-rated films, and this is to be welcomed. The films are often of better quality than those shown in porn cinemas, and couples can watch them together in private, undisturbed by the presence of other people. There are also good X films to be found on the shelves of the video clubs.

Eroticism is everything that springs from our imaginations, everything our minds invent to bring variety to our love play and add a note of fantasy.

Turning a room of your home into a “romper room” where you can create the atmosphere you want, with soft lights, mirrors, erotic pictures, soft music, a video set, a shelf of erotic books and magazines, a wardrobe of sexy underwear and so on – that is eroticism.

Setting up your polaroid with an automatic timer to take shots of the pair of you in full swing – that is eroticism.

Making love elsewhere than in bed – in the car, in the woods, in the lift, on the kitchen table – that is eroticism.

Taking a shower together – that is eroticism.

Looking in the mirror while you make love – that is eroticism.

Serving a sausage for supper with two tomatoes arranged at one end – that is eroticism.

Clothes, gestures or words can all be used to convey eroticism.

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Before we look at the main deviations in turn, it is worth clarifying the concept in our minds.

What do we mean by deviation? Where does perversion begin and end? These are difficult questions to answer. For want of a more satisfying approach, one is forced back on the debatable notion of normality.

Physiologically, men and women are complementary sexual organisms, designed for copulation in a range of positions. This of course means vaginal intercourse. Its immediate aim is orgasm, and its ultimate result may be procreation.

All other practices could be considered abnormal. Nonetheless, practices that can lead to orgasm (masturbation, cunnilingus, fellatio, anal intercourse and the use of vibrators and sex aids), are covered in a separate chapter (see page 26). As they are in widespread use by a majority, or at least a fair proportion, of men and women, it seemed appropriate to treat them as a separate category. All we shall look at here, therefore, are:

deviations of physiological origin: homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality;

deviations that conflict with the traditional notion of the couple: mate-swapping, the threesome;

symbolic deviations: fetishism, transvestism;

deviations linking pleasure with pain: sadism, masochism;

illegal deviations: rape, incest, paedophilia, voyeurism, exhibitionism.

Some of these practices (e.g. fetishism, transvestism and sado-masochism) are not directly sexual acts and only serve as sexual stimulants; they may not even be followed by an act of sex. In other cases, however, they may by a necessary precondition for reaching a climax in the sex act that follows – and this in itself justifies their being classified as sexual deviations.

There are many other practices too rare to be worth dealing with in this chapter, but we have included some in the glossary at the end.

We shall also try to make the distinction between the major deviations and games “normal” couples may play to add a little spice and fantasy to their sex lives.

Be they occasional games or the essence of a person’s sex life, however, all these deviations have the same origin: sexual fantasies. Some people try to control their fantasies, with or without the aid of a psychotherapist or sexologist; others prefer to neutralize their obsessive aspect by putting them into practice. If they do so only occasionally, in a discreet way and with a willing partner, one cannot really talk of sexual deviancy.

Even if you do not feel this chapter concerns you, read it, because sexuality needs to be studied in its entirety. Read the chapter and discuss it openly with your partner. These tendencies are present, even if buried deep, in most of us, and may develop with time; sooner or later you may find yourself faced with problems on this account. It is as well to know about these tendencies; that way, if one day some kinky notion comes into your head, you will know such kinks are widespread, not at all “abnormal”, and need not become an obsession. They may just be harmless games or passing fancies.

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When one speaks of erogenous zones one often thinks only of the organs capable of producing an orgasm. We shall look at these later on.

But there are many other zones around the human body which produce agreeable sensations when stimulated. It is important to think of them when it comes to the preliminary petting or foreplay that arouses and increases desire and prepares two lovers for the more specific actions that lead to orgasm.

Orgasm is one thing, love is another. More precisely, love is a whole that encompasses feelings, affection and tenderness. A man who visits a prostitute gets his orgasm, and no more. He gets relief, but most of all he feels disappointment, not because of the price he had to pay but because it was, for both parties, an act committed without love, without preparation.

Every couple in love likes to show that love through kissing and caressing; these are an indispensable lead-up to the more intense pleasure that follows once they reach the stage of intercourse and then orgasm.

Women especially are sensitive to the caresses bestowed by her lover’s hands, mouth and tongue – and even his teeth.

The longer the arousal of these erogenous zones is made to last, the more intense the orgasm that follows will be. The woman’s preliminary caresses will often give the man a more complete erection and one that lasts longer. Paradoxically, they will help prevent the premature ejaculation that bedevils the love lives of so many couples. Prolonged handling of the penis, especially in a young men at the start of his sexual experience, invariably leads to premature ejaculation, sometimes even before the penis is fully erect. But kissing and caressing on other parts of his body will help him control his ejaculation reflex and hold it back longer.

The two most important erogenous zones are the mouth and the breasts.

The kiss is the first expression of sexual desire when a couple is formed. Although an easy matter on the face of it, the kiss deserves particular attention. Concentrate on what you do when you kiss. Have you pushed your lips far enough forward? Are they completely closed? Does your tongue go far enough, or too far, into your partner’s mouth? Like all bodily contact, the kiss implies a certain perfectionism and requires observation of your partner’s reactions. Not all men and women like to be kissed in the same way. Learn to find out what your partner likes!

Lips and tongue are useful not only in the classic kiss, but to kiss and caress all the erogenous zones, including the sex organs.

The breasts are a very specially erogenous zone. They are the main source of arousal for men. They lend themselves to all kinds of caresses. They can be kneaded, lightly stroked, caressed a thousand different ways. The nipples contract and harden when stroked. Teeth can nibble them, a mouth can suckle them gently, a tongue can run around the areola or excite it with quick little flicks. All variations are allowed in this game, which gives as much delight to the man as to the woman.

Many women attach too much importance to the size and shape of their breasts, but variety, after all, is the spice of life. Be happy with your breasts the way they are and you will be sure to find a man who likes breasts just like that. Certain men are even attracted to positively overdeveloped breasts!

Men’s nipples too are erogenous zones, though women too rarely think of stimulating them. If you feel like sucking or nibbling them, go ahead – but gently! Nibble too hard and you will cause pain rather than pleasure.

The buttocks are a major erogenous zone, and they lend themselves to kneading and stroking as much as the breasts. The area where the two buttocks start to divide is especially sensitive to light, prolonged touching.

Other erogenous zones are the ear lobe, which gives agreeable sensations when nibbled, the neck – a good area for kissing, licking and sucking lightly – the shoulders, the navel, the inside of the thigh. And another point of interest is the big toe: while it does not give any particular sensation itself when sucked, it does arouse erotic interest because of the similarity of this act with the sucking of the penis (which we shall talk about later).

Individuals vary in the sensitivity of their different erogenous zones. Learn to explore which arouse your partner, and perfect the caresses that give him/her most pleasure.

The anus is also an important erogenous zone; but we shall deal with this along with the zones that are sexual in the fullest sense, since it is just beside them and is also sometimes used for intercourse, by homosexuals and heterosexuals alike.

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