Archive for the ‘Anti-Psychotics’ Category

WHY ME . . . WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME: GOD HAS HIS HAND ON THIS BOY . . .

Sunday, January 31st, 2010
Larry graduated from a local two-year junior college, Friday, June 13, 1975, and it was one of the proudest nights of my life. Larry had been president of his class and president of the school choir. He had been voted the most outstanding student and had offers of several scholarships. He had also just returned from Russia where he traveled with a Christian singing group.
The pastor of one of the leading churches in Southern California was commencement speaker that night, and he also presented Larry with the Outstanding Student Award. To close the ceremonies, which were held outdoors in the college stadium, Larry led the entire audience in singing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”
The commencement speaker talked with us afterwards and commented on all of Larry’s honors by saying, “I hope you have a car with a big trunk to carry home all this glory!” I said that all we had was a Chevy, and we all laughed. Then the speaker added, “I’ve spoken with your son, and I know that God has His hand on this boy and will use him in a wonderful way.”
Bill and I were absolutely thrilled with his words about Larry. We took all the ribbons, cups, and awards home to display on our mantle. How proud we were of Larry and of his accomplishments!
The next day I planned to pick up my sister and her husband who had been in Hawaii and were going to stop in our area for just twenty-four hours en route home to Minnesota. We wanted to make it a special event since it was the first time we had seen them since Tim’s death.
We had it all arranged. I would pick them up at the LA. airport, take them to Anaheim where we would all be staying at a motel near Disneyland, and then we would all go to the big bicentennial celebration at Disneyland that evening and enjoy the first presentation of the “Main Street Electrical Parade.” Then we would stay in Anaheim, have some time together on Sunday, which was also Father’s Day, and eat dinner at Knott’s Berry Farm before they had to catch their plane.
Everything was in order for a fantastic time. What I didn’t know was that this would be the most devastating day of my life!
As I headed out the door for the airport, someone telephoned, wanting to borrow Larry’s big red Basic Youth Conflicts notebook. I went to his room and, as I lifted it out of his drawer, I saw a stack of homosexual magazines, pictures, and other stuff that I knew nothing about. There were also cassette tapes and letters from other young men. Why would Larry HAVE this? Could it be a research project at school? No, school was all over now.
I began to shake inside, but I told myself, “You have to get to the airport . . . you can’t fall apart right now. There must be some logical answer as to WHY he has this stuff in his drawer.”
I didn’t have time to think, or question, and I couldn’t collapse—at least not right now. How could we have a homosexual child? I didn’t know anyone who had one, I didn’t want one, and surely this could not be! Bill and I had a ministry going to help hurting parents, but not THIS kind of hurt! It would be easier to kill him and kill myself rather than lace this!
I quickly grabbed two arm loads of the “stuff” and threw it in the trunk of my car. I couldn’t bear to have it in my home. Last night my car trunk had been full of glory, and now it was full of garbage! I hastily wrote a note to Larry, telling him to meet us as planned at the Disneyland flagpole at K:00 p.m. that evening. Then I added that I had found the “stuff” and that I had it with me, just in case he might be looking for it.
My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and suddenly I felt as if I had an elephant on my chest. In the note I also told Larry that I loved him and God loved him and that if he would PLEASE help me get through the weekend with these relatives, then we would fix it on Monday! I had always believed that God and mothers can fix anything.
Driving to the airport, I began to feel all the symptoms of panic—shortness of breath, heaving inside, and throbbing in my head. It felt as if someone had shoved a shag rug down my throat and I was gagging on it. My eyes were so full of tears I could hardly see to drive. Then my teeth seemed to start to itch! Evidently the nerve endings around my mouth were responding to the stress, but I just HAD to hold together until the relatives left the next day.
I got to the airport just in time to meet Janet and Mel as they came off the plane. Her first words were, “Boy, you look terrible. Are you sick?”
I said, “Of course not; it was just something I couldn’t swallow.” (Couldn’t swallow was right!)
They had already been to baggage claim, and I saw that Janet had two pieces of purple luggage. Now, I knew nothing about homosexuality and even less about lesbianism, but I had heard somewhere that lesbians like purple. A crazy thought hit me: MY SISTER IS A LESBIAN! SHE HAS PURPLE LUGGAGE! She works for the Billy Graham Association, is married to a minister, and she has PURPLE luggage! My own sister must be a lesbian because of this purple luggage!
I Didn’t Dare Open the Trunk!
When we got to my car, I became frantic trying to think of how I could avoid opening my car trunk. All of Larry’s homosexual “stuff was in there, and I had not bothered to cover it up with a blanket. Mel and Janet had brought some pineapples from Hawaii, as well as some of those dreadful leis that smell like funerals, and somehow I scrunched them and their belongings in the backseat without opening the trunk. We started for Anaheim and the motel, and I prayed I could ignore my panic symptoms and somehow stay on the road.
My mind was so shattered from finding out about Larry that it seemed as if the whole world was crashing around me. If my own son, whom I had loved and raised for twenty years, was a homosexual and my sister was a lesbian, what was left to believe in? I had heard of people who live in “la-la land,” and I was definitely on the way there myself. I felt as if I had been on another planet and had just come back to visit the world. I wanted to go back to where I had come from, but there was no place to escape the weirdness of it all.
As we drove along the freeway, the crazy thoughts would not leave my tortured mind. My brother-in-law pointed out the Big “A” on the Angels’ Stadium, and all I could think of was, Oh, they’re all homosexuals, they’re all homosexuals! It seemed to me that the shades had gone up and everyone had become homosexual.
We got to the motel where Janet and Mel changed into more comfortable clothes, and then we crossed the street to Disneyland. It was a special weekend, with the bicentennial celebration, the first night of the Main Street Electrical Parade scheduled, and it was also Flag Day. Instead of the usual A-B-C-D-E coupon books Disneyland uses for tickets, we were all given a red, white, and blue headband with a big feather sticking out of it. On the headband were the words ‘I’M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY” in bold, bright letters. You couldn’t escape wearing the headband because it was your ticket to the park that evening.
So, there I was, trying to act normal in Disneyland with what seemed like fifty thousand people around me all wearing “I’M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY” feathered headbands. And all the while I kept wondering if everyone I saw was a homosexual!
As 8:00 p.m. drew near, we went over to the flagpole, and Bill went off to buy popcorn. Bill is loving and dependable, but it seems that any time there is a crisis, he is off buying popcorn. I tell him that when he dies, I’m going to have inscribed on his tombstone, “Bill is not here, he’s out buying popcorn.”
Janet, Mel, and I greeted Larry as he walked up. The last time we had all been together was at Tim’s funeral, so they were really glad to see him. I wasn’t sure I was, but I knew I couldn’t throw up or anything—not just yet.
*12\316\2*

WHY ME . . . WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME: GOD HAS HIS HAND ON THIS BOY . . .Larry graduated from a local two-year junior college, Friday, June 13, 1975, and it was one of the proudest nights of my life. Larry had been president of his class and president of the school choir. He had been voted the most outstanding student and had offers of several scholarships. He had also just returned from Russia where he traveled with a Christian singing group.The pastor of one of the leading churches in Southern California was commencement speaker that night, and he also presented Larry with the Outstanding Student Award. To close the ceremonies, which were held outdoors in the college stadium, Larry led the entire audience in singing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”The commencement speaker talked with us afterwards and commented on all of Larry’s honors by saying, “I hope you have a car with a big trunk to carry home all this glory!” I said that all we had was a Chevy, and we all laughed. Then the speaker added, “I’ve spoken with your son, and I know that God has His hand on this boy and will use him in a wonderful way.”Bill and I were absolutely thrilled with his words about Larry. We took all the ribbons, cups, and awards home to display on our mantle. How proud we were of Larry and of his accomplishments!The next day I planned to pick up my sister and her husband who had been in Hawaii and were going to stop in our area for just twenty-four hours en route home to Minnesota. We wanted to make it a special event since it was the first time we had seen them since Tim’s death.We had it all arranged. I would pick them up at the LA. airport, take them to Anaheim where we would all be staying at a motel near Disneyland, and then we would all go to the big bicentennial celebration at Disneyland that evening and enjoy the first presentation of the “Main Street Electrical Parade.” Then we would stay in Anaheim, have some time together on Sunday, which was also Father’s Day, and eat dinner at Knott’s Berry Farm before they had to catch their plane.Everything was in order for a fantastic time. What I didn’t know was that this would be the most devastating day of my life!As I headed out the door for the airport, someone telephoned, wanting to borrow Larry’s big red Basic Youth Conflicts notebook. I went to his room and, as I lifted it out of his drawer, I saw a stack of homosexual magazines, pictures, and other stuff that I knew nothing about. There were also cassette tapes and letters from other young men. Why would Larry HAVE this? Could it be a research project at school? No, school was all over now.I began to shake inside, but I told myself, “You have to get to the airport . . . you can’t fall apart right now. There must be some logical answer as to WHY he has this stuff in his drawer.”I didn’t have time to think, or question, and I couldn’t collapse—at least not right now. How could we have a homosexual child? I didn’t know anyone who had one, I didn’t want one, and surely this could not be! Bill and I had a ministry going to help hurting parents, but not THIS kind of hurt! It would be easier to kill him and kill myself rather than lace this!I quickly grabbed two arm loads of the “stuff” and threw it in the trunk of my car. I couldn’t bear to have it in my home. Last night my car trunk had been full of glory, and now it was full of garbage! I hastily wrote a note to Larry, telling him to meet us as planned at the Disneyland flagpole at K:00 p.m. that evening. Then I added that I had found the “stuff” and that I had it with me, just in case he might be looking for it.My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and suddenly I felt as if I had an elephant on my chest. In the note I also told Larry that I loved him and God loved him and that if he would PLEASE help me get through the weekend with these relatives, then we would fix it on Monday! I had always believed that God and mothers can fix anything.Driving to the airport, I began to feel all the symptoms of panic—shortness of breath, heaving inside, and throbbing in my head. It felt as if someone had shoved a shag rug down my throat and I was gagging on it. My eyes were so full of tears I could hardly see to drive. Then my teeth seemed to start to itch! Evidently the nerve endings around my mouth were responding to the stress, but I just HAD to hold together until the relatives left the next day.I got to the airport just in time to meet Janet and Mel as they came off the plane. Her first words were, “Boy, you look terrible. Are you sick?”I said, “Of course not; it was just something I couldn’t swallow.” (Couldn’t swallow was right!)They had already been to baggage claim, and I saw that Janet had two pieces of purple luggage. Now, I knew nothing about homosexuality and even less about lesbianism, but I had heard somewhere that lesbians like purple. A crazy thought hit me: MY SISTER IS A LESBIAN! SHE HAS PURPLE LUGGAGE! She works for the Billy Graham Association, is married to a minister, and she has PURPLE luggage! My own sister must be a lesbian because of this purple luggage!
I Didn’t Dare Open the Trunk!When we got to my car, I became frantic trying to think of how I could avoid opening my car trunk. All of Larry’s homosexual “stuff was in there, and I had not bothered to cover it up with a blanket. Mel and Janet had brought some pineapples from Hawaii, as well as some of those dreadful leis that smell like funerals, and somehow I scrunched them and their belongings in the backseat without opening the trunk. We started for Anaheim and the motel, and I prayed I could ignore my panic symptoms and somehow stay on the road.My mind was so shattered from finding out about Larry that it seemed as if the whole world was crashing around me. If my own son, whom I had loved and raised for twenty years, was a homosexual and my sister was a lesbian, what was left to believe in? I had heard of people who live in “la-la land,” and I was definitely on the way there myself. I felt as if I had been on another planet and had just come back to visit the world. I wanted to go back to where I had come from, but there was no place to escape the weirdness of it all.As we drove along the freeway, the crazy thoughts would not leave my tortured mind. My brother-in-law pointed out the Big “A” on the Angels’ Stadium, and all I could think of was, Oh, they’re all homosexuals, they’re all homosexuals! It seemed to me that the shades had gone up and everyone had become homosexual.We got to the motel where Janet and Mel changed into more comfortable clothes, and then we crossed the street to Disneyland. It was a special weekend, with the bicentennial celebration, the first night of the Main Street Electrical Parade scheduled, and it was also Flag Day. Instead of the usual A-B-C-D-E coupon books Disneyland uses for tickets, we were all given a red, white, and blue headband with a big feather sticking out of it. On the headband were the words ‘I’M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY” in bold, bright letters. You couldn’t escape wearing the headband because it was your ticket to the park that evening.So, there I was, trying to act normal in Disneyland with what seemed like fifty thousand people around me all wearing “I’M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY” feathered headbands. And all the while I kept wondering if everyone I saw was a homosexual!As 8:00 p.m. drew near, we went over to the flagpole, and Bill went off to buy popcorn. Bill is loving and dependable, but it seems that any time there is a crisis, he is off buying popcorn. I tell him that when he dies, I’m going to have inscribed on his tombstone, “Bill is not here, he’s out buying popcorn.”Janet, Mel, and I greeted Larry as he walked up. The last time we had all been together was at Tim’s funeral, so they were really glad to see him. I wasn’t sure I was, but I knew I couldn’t throw up or anything—not just yet.*12\316\2*

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