Blog About Health & Medicine

Husband and wife repeat the following sentences: “It’s difficult for me to say that I respect you.” “And it’s difficult for me to say that I respect you.” “If I say I respect you, I’ll …” (Say whatever comes to mind next.)

“And if I say I respect you, I’ll …” (Say whatever comes to mind next.)

“I feel I’m giving something away if I say I respect you.”

“And I feel I’m giving something away if I say I respect you.”

“My mother had contempt for my father.” “My father had scorn for my mother.” “My brothers teased my sisters.” “And my sisters degraded my brothers.” “It’s difficult for me to accept your respect or admiration.” “And it’s very hard for me to accept your respect or admiration.”

“If you say you respect me, I’ll …” (Say whatever comes to mind next.)

“And if you say you respect me, I’ll …” (Say whatever comes to mind next.)

“I don’t feel worthy of your respect because …” (Say whatever comes to mind next.)

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The eighteen cards (sixteen high cards and two jokers) are placed face down on the middle of the table. Then the husband and wife take turns drawing one card from the deck. Each time one draws a card, the other asks, “Play or pass?” If the card holder wants to play, he or she must do whatever is written on the card. If he or she says “Pass,” that player may keep that card and draw again. Each partner is allowed three passes per draw. However, he or she must put $50 in the jackpot for each pass. After three passes, should a partner refuse to play, he or she loses the game and forfeits the jackpot. (The jackpot includes the sum of money that is begun with—perhaps $100, contributed to equally.) If each performs what the cards dictate, the winner is the one with the fewest passes. If the game is still tied at the end, the jackpot is divided—and each partner becomes a winner in more ways than one.

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Once the blindfold is (or the blindfolds are) in place, the couple should lie side by side and slowly explore one another’s naked body. They should start by touching nonerogenous zones—forearms, elbows, calves, knees, the top of the head. Next they should caress the erogenous zones, but without dwelling on them—the inner thighs, the inner arms, the ears, the back of the neck, the nipples, the lips, the penis, the vagina. Finally, they should make love. No words should be spoken during the game, but the couple are encouraged to make mental notes of their thoughts in order to talk about them later.

The blindfold acts as an artificial barrier, filtering out the visual effects and the negative judgments that inhibit sexual desire. It also serves as an aid to regression: Being blindfolded brings about a feeling of powerlessness and submissiveness associated with childhood, and likewise arouses the primitive erotic feelings known in childhood. Youthful passion, as we all know, is stronger than adult passion mainly because it has not undergone the “thousand and one shocks that the flesh is heir to” (as Shakespeare put it). The game is designed to help participants rediscover both play and the intense feelings of lust they have been inhibiting (and perhaps been afraid of).

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The game is straightforward and is played by mutual consent. It begins with the “dominant” partner (in this example, the wife) ordering the “submissive” partner, “Take off your clothes and lie on the bed.”

The submissive partner says, “Yes, Madam.”

“And hurry up about it.”

“Yes, Madam.”

The submissive partner undresses but the dominant one remains dressed. When the submissive partner is naked and lying on the bed, the dominant one ties him, hand and foot, to the bedposts or railing (or in some other convenient way), using a soft rope that will not burn the skin. When the submissive is tied down, the dominant stands over the bed, grinning.

“Now you’re going to get what you’ve had coming.” “I am?”

“You are. You’ve been bad, and you know you’ve been bad.”

“I have?”

“Yes, very bad. I’ll show you how bad you are. Do you like this?” (Puts hand on submissive partner’s crotch.) “Yes.”

“You see how bad you are? You like my hand on your dirty thing.”

“Yes.” … “Yes, Madam!”

“Yes, Madam!”

“Now I’m going to punish you.” “What are you going to do?”

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Players: Husband and wife.

Activists: Both.

Setting: Home or away.

Obsessive-compulsives have fixations at this stage, for they usually had parents who were obsessive-compulsives and chastised the kids severely any time they got very dirty. This also corresponds to the potty-training (anal) stage, when children like to play with their feces and are scolded by parents for that. Second, the game gives the compulsive slob more than he or she bargained for, and challenges the rigidity of the obsessive neatnick. This experience creates stress and also liberates them from their guilt-ridden defensive attitudes. When two people are sitting in a tub with (the perfect example) egg on their faces, all pretenses quickly fall aside.

One thing usually leads to another, and the wrestling turns to erotic play and then to sex. It also leads to a fresh look at one’s general modes of relating and of sexuality.

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